“Well, according to Jarome Iginla’s wife’s sister’s cousin’s boyfriend’s best friend’s hairdresser’s tailor’s deceased grandmother’s uncle’s mistress’ illegitimate child, he is so going to Pittsburgh, and the Flames will be getting Malkin and 10 draft picks.”
The fact that people have discovered that trade rumours spread like wildfire on Twitter has been detrimental to our hockey world, and has also subsequently taken a substantial number of years off my life. You see, most people act like children, and the more attention that can be brought to them, the better.
We’re so willing to (rightly) write off Eklund with pretty much everything he says, but why not the joe-blow hockey blogger telling us that the Pens are seeking to move Crosby?
You see, we have to take a different approach to the hockey rumours we read on Twitter. Still not sure how? Lucky for all of you guys, I've made a chart:
Ultimately, I don’t give a shit that your hopes and dreams of playing in the NHL were shattered the moment you discovered you sucked at all positions. I do care, however, if you’re wasting my time by feeding me false information. I don’t want to fuel your hopes and dreams, I want to destroy them.
If you’re that bored, get a pet, or a blow-up doll. And stay in the basement.